our daily bore

I was watching this hero even his name wasn't familiar yet. That time, no one thought that he will go the great distance. Except maybe for his self, with his determination and raw talent. I was watching his fights that time because of its entertainment value. Almost same as my age, I never had the chance to see other boxers ring "brawl" as Pacquiao. Other fighters are just too systematic and scientific to be entertaining.

     Fast forward, with all the endorsements, acting gigs, political activities and other distractions.. His face down in the canvas, I can't help but feel its pain and in a way be nostalgic. The man considered by many as boxing savior has fallen. And despite the popular and uplifting comments from the populace that it is not how hard you fall but in the way you stand up again.. Failure is something that can linger longer that it appears. When he was knocked down, together with the world, I was also in disbelief and was speechless for some seconds. Of course, he is still wealthier than most of us. But the triumph and celebration of the possible was also put to a halt. What died, even temporarily, is our illusion of immortal greatness. Our hallucination that with determination, everything's possible. Because in real life, failure is more than a possibility. It's the reality.

     But I hope Manny can still fight with flare and gusto. Ageless and without fear. Just like his first matches. Or just like that last fight. Not necessarily with the same result.

August 2011. Christopher Lao was helped by bystanders after he plunged his car in the water. Then he blamed them for not informing what was ahead of him. Then the GMA news team that interviewed him. Then the government.

     August 2012. Robert Carabuena was caught on video hitting an MMDA officer when he was pulled over by the traffic enforcer.

     November 2012. Paula Salvosa also known as Amalayer girl was seen berating a lady security guard. According to her, the lady guard grabbed her arm.

     Some months ago, I was in NAIA Terminal 1 to fetch my mother. I was about to go where she's at when an airport guard stopped me and grabbed my arm. I told the guard in a low-tone authoritative voice, "Why?". And he told me that I'm entering the wrong gate. I replied, "You just have to tell me. Don't grab my arm, I don't know you."

     November 2012. Hours after the Amalayer incident, it was trending on twitter. Paula was condemned left and right for her action and grammar. One celebrity icon tweeted that whatever the lady guard might have been said or did, Salvosa over-reacted. 

     At first, I don't know how to react. But I think something's missing for this girl to be the subject of hate. 

here's the video, the full transcript and mo twister's explanation via tweetdeck..

here's the transcript of what he said:

"ITS 28TH OF JULY 2010, FIRST TIME IM DOING THIS. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY. UM, MAYBE ONE DAY YOU'LL WATCH THIS. JUST TO REMEMBER HOW HORRIBLE OF A DAY IT IS. YOURE IN SINGAPORE, YOU'VE BEEN CRYING ALL EVENING BECAUSE TOMORROW MORNING, YOU AND RHIAN WILL GO TO THE HOSPITAL HERE AND GET RID OUR BABY. IT DOESN'T MATTER NAMAN WHAT I THINK ABOUT IT BECAUSE THIS WAS HER CHOICE. I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG YOU'LL KEEP THIS AS A SOUVENIR, BUT THIS IS THE TEST. (WHISPER) THIS IS WRONG. THIS IS THE HARDEST THING (CRYING) THIS IS THE HARDEST THING YOU'VE GONE THROUGH BEFORE AND YOU'VE GONE THROUGH SO MUCH. AND WE HAVE TO BLAME OUR JOBS FOR THIS? THIS INDUSTRY THAT JUDGES YOU FOR THESE THINGS. THIS BUSINESS HAS MADE HER BELIEVE THAT WE HAVE TO TAKE THE LIFE OF OUR OWN CHILD BECAUSE NO ONE WILL FORGIVE HER FOR THIS. THAT THIS JOB WILL RUIN HER, SO WE AGREED THAT WE'D COME HERE AND GET IT DONE. BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER AND YOU JUST WANT HER TO BE OKAY. ITS NOT LIKE RHIAN IS HAVING AN EASY TIME WITH THIS TOO. ITS HARD ON ALL OF US. SHE SAID ONE DAY WE WILL SEE THIS AGAIN. AND MAYBE OUR JOBS WILL BE A LITTLE BIT EASIER AND MORE ACCEPTING ABOUT IT. ONE DAY YOU'LL LOOK AT THIS VIDEO, 20 YEARS FROM NOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU WILL STILL BE TOGETHER AND IT WILL STILL HURT. IT WILL STILL HURT LIKE HELL. (CRYING). YOU'LL BE SORRY FOR THIS YOUR WHOLE LIFE. I'LL BE SORRY FOR THIS MY WHOLE LIFE. IM SORRY FOR THE BAD CHOICE WE ARE ABOUT TO MAKE. ITS HARD FOR BOTH OF US. NOBODY WANTS TO DO THIS. I KNOW OTHER CELEBRITIES HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SUCCEED AFTER THIS PROBLEM, IF IT IS EVEN A PROBLEM, I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S A PROBLEM. BUT YOU KNOW, HER PARENTS ARE TOUGH ON HER. HER STATION, HER CHANNEL, HER MANAGER IS SO TOUGH ON HER THAT IT HAS MADE HER FEEL THAT HAVING THIS BABY, IS JUST NO OTHER OPTION. I KNOW RHIAN IS YOUNG. MAYBE ONE DAY WHEN WE'RE OLDER, WHEN SHE IS OLDER, THAT WE WONT HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS. I DON'T BLAME HER. THE PRESSURE ON HER IS SO GREAT. THAT I KNOW SHE FEELS LIKE SHE HAS NO CHOICE. SO THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT RHIAN. ITS NOT. I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BE YOU IN HERE, IN THIS SITUATION. ITS JULY 28, 2010 AND IM SITTING INSIDE THE HOTEL. THE RITZ-CALRTON IS SINGAPORE AND WE'VE BEEN FIGHTING ALL NIGHT ABOUT THIS. IM DOING MY BEST TO TRY TO KEEP YOU SAFE. AND ALL THIS FIGHTING IS TAKING A TOLL ON US. I WISH WE COULD HAVE THIS CHILD. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. THIS JOB IS SO DIFFICULT. ITS SO DIFFICULT. IM SO SORRY. I'LL BE SORRY FOREVER. AGAIN, ONE DAY YOU'LL WATCH THIS. MAYBE WHEN YOURE AN OLD MAN. YOU'LL REMEMBER HOW DIFFICULT TODAY WAS. AND I HOPE YOU WATCH THIS AND I HOPE BY THAT TIME I'LL BE MARRIED AND I'LL HAVE A FAMILY THAT I CAN TRY TO MAKE IT UP TO. YOURE GOING TO DO SOMETHING REALLY WRONG TODAY. IM SORRY FOR THAT. THIS IS BUSINESS IS SO SO HARD. THIS BUSINESS IS SO HARD ON ITS EMPLOYEES. I GUESS ALL BUSINESSES ARE. I DON'T KNOW. ITS OUR FAULT I KNOW. WE CANT REALLY BLAME OUR JOBS BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE DID IT. BUT UM, I UNDERSTAND"

and his explanation via tweetdeck:

Let us forget first that we are christians, or roman catholics, or whatever religion affiliations we have. Let us assume that we are men of logic. And well, of emotions. Then we pose the question of being and nothingness. What if there is none whatever after death? Or should we put it -- after life? Just like before we were born. It is a sad premise but not unthinkable. Because the opium that is religion, like love, makes us believe of things unknown and impossible.

     Of course, there is nothing wrong with believing. In fact, it is stronger than doubt. But the universal eventuality called death is not only melancholic, but also tragic. Specifically when we hope and believe that conscious spirit is what we will become after death. I mean, in the after life.

     But there's none a single empirical data that there is heaven or hell. Well, precisely because those are states of consciousness and spirituality, rather than a physical place. So attempts, if there's any, will just be that -- attempts.

     Not only the religious teachings are saying these angles but as well, the new age perspective.

When Jofti, a friend from FWP, told me about this project of commemorating Ondoy and writing something of whatever value regarding environment, I must admit.. It didn't give me a hard on! Sorry for the euphemism but that was my honest reaction. Of course, the eagerness is on writing. But environment? Call me apathetic but it doesn't excite me much like social activism on art and the secular philippines, underground music and indie films, language and shallowness, etc. Of course, it doesn't sound right saying this. And I am sorry.

     Two years ago, we were in a small but decent house in Batangas. Some steps away in the main street leading to South Super Highway. It was raining hard outside but we never noticed that something was cooking. When dusk approached, I decided to buy some canned goods for the meal. And fuck, that was the only time I realized what was out there! Water from the nearby mountain was rushing in the highway. And yeah, big time! It wasn't unthinkable but striking. It wasn't impossible but a rarity.

Some days ago, I saw an FB post from a good friend Rogelio Braga. It was a link to F. Sionil Jose's Philstar article, "Why we are shallow". His contentions are actually very valid, sound and logical. Except for the first part. The take-off. The premise. The most important part.

It could have been another interesting piece from one of my favorite book authors. But that double-standard perspective ruined it all. Here's what he wrote, that 1st part:

"..Recently, I was seated beside former Senator Letty Shahani, PhD in Comparative Literature from the Sorbonne, watching a medley of Asian dances. The stately and classical Japanese number with stylized movements which perhaps took years to master elicited what seemed to me grudging applause. Then, the Filipino tinikling which any one can learn in 10 minutes; after all that energetic jumping, an almost standing ovation. Letty turned to me and asked, “Why are we so shallow?”

Yes, indeed, and for how long?.."

Oh! Really?! Shallow are those people who exhibited more appreciation in tinikling over the Jap number? Not to discredit, of course, the classical Japanese dance! But to say that one is better than the other and throw judgement as if it's the standard of beauty is something that I find very disturbing. 

While it is true that CHED and DepEd taught us to use the English language, our values and perspective on things are decided by the self alone. We can speak english, french, or german.. or do karate or cook the most delicious foods in the international scene, or be famous in singing or whatever talent and skills,.. but boastfulness, just like in the case of Soriano, is a shame.

By this time, I think we all read the Manila Bulletin (MB) article written by James Soriano. And sorry for those saying that it was an attempt on satire. Year 2008, he also wrote a similar essay lambasting the use of Filipino language. Actually, the piece for the MB was a rehash of that 2008 blog post.

Here is the essay of Mr. Soriano, "Language, Learning, Identity, Privelege" but was removed from MB's website. I am not sure if it saw print. After the article is his year 2008's blog post, "Filipino as a Second Language".

English is the language of learning. I’ve known this since before I could go to school. As a toddler, my first study materials were a set of flash cards that my mother used to teach me the English alphabet.

My mother made home conducive to learning English: all my storybooks and coloring books were in English, and so were the cartoons I watched and the music I listened to. She required me to speak English at home. She even hired tutors to help me learn to read and write in English.

In school I learned to think in English. We used English to learn about numbers, equations and variables. With it we learned about observation and inference, the moon and the stars, monsoons and photosynthesis. With it we learned about shapes and colors, about meter and rhythm. I learned about God in English, and I prayed to Him in English.

Filipino, on the other hand, was always the ‘other’ subject — almost a special subject like PE or Home Economics, except that it was graded the same way as Science, Math, Religion, and English. My classmates and I used to complain about Filipino all the time. Filipino was a chore, like washing the dishes; it was not the language of learning. It was the language we used to speak to the people who washed our dishes.

What caught my interest and imagination yesterday in the first organizational meeting of Freelance Writers of the Philippines was a comment from one of its founders. He replied that we should consider first what we can do to help the org more than what we want. Not that I want to raise a howl because honestly, I'm cool with everything that happened. Everyone's friendly thou some are shy. And most importantly, pardon the mushy tone.. We are all in one direction.

     Going back.. I think it raises existential and fundamental question of why we write and what we are as an artist. While it is true that needs, pressing and long-term, push us to work.. What's more important in all artist, I assume, is not the need but the want. I know, it is not as immediate as answering questions of "What should be the permanent name," "What should be the next steps," and other physical moves. But it may define not only the personality of the group, but the credo of each member. 

     The idea of selflessness in favor of the majority, for me, is not only overrated. Moreso, it is troubling. 

The public fury against Mideo's artwork in the Cultural Center of the Philippines is understandable. We are in a country that majority of citizens are Catholic. Politicians riding the issue is understandable. They always do that! Congressman Bagatsing, the same lawmaker that pushes the legalization of jueteng, wants CCP Chairman Raul Sonico and other officials to resign. Ilocos Norte Representative Imelda Marcos said she was considering filing administrative charges against CCP officials. She called up Manila Rep. Amado Bagatsing twice on Monday, to express her displeasure over the exhibit. Yes, Mam Imelda is the right person to define what is right and wrong in this country. Forget the abuses, martial law and human rights violations!

We can all understand that. It's in the system. But what I find very disturbing is yesterday's editorial of my favorite broadsheet -- Philippine Daily Inquirer. Amidst this latest issue, it said that violence, vandalism and setting of fire inside CCP is understandable. This is the paper that I read each day, trust and adore. This is the same journal that champions the poor, criticizes every corrupt politician of any party affiliation, always seeking truth, always condemning big crooked fishes, always logical, fearless and has sound judgement.

I might not agree with Inquirer's every stand but I always respect their views. Always a source of intelligent and intelligible opinion. But yesterday was a different case.